How to Spend Your Sunday – Like A Boss
- Sign up for a hash jungle run.
- Brace yourself for heavy downpour with nothing more than a santa hat.
- Look up directions on gothere.sg and follow them to a T.
- Forget to note the stop you have to get down at.
- Realize you don’t have a smartphone to look it up again, because you’re a fucking cheapskate.
- Miss the bus stop.
- Walk around, hoping you’ll see signs to Blackmore Drive. You don’t.
- Walk around, hoping you’ll meet someone to ask for directions, in the rain. You don’t.
- Arrive at the hash location. Like a boss.
- Start running with the team.
- Fall behind, in 5 minutes.
- Stop and pant like a bitch in heat, in 10 minutes.
- Ask yourself why you sign up for things you can’t possibly survive.
- Convince yourself that it can’t get worse than this, and catch up with the team, as they plunge into the jungle.
- Realize it does get worse.
- Trudge through mud. Fall.
- Pick your way through vines and thick foliage. Fall.
- Try to spot your team far ahead, and fail to notice the the knee-deep stream. Fall.
- Hum the “Indiana Jones” tune, and feel nothing like him.
- Learn your botany – specifically, trees and branches that have inch-long spikes all over them.
- Promptly forget that, and grab onto said trees and branches for support.
- Scream. Like a little girl.
- Stumble upon an old rail track, defunct since the Stone Age. Now feel like Indiana Jones.
- Crawl under mangled trees and rotting logs.
- Bite your lip and bear the pain of the dozen scratches all over you. Like a boss.
- Will this rain to end. Will this run to end.
- Follow your team, find a way out of the forest, and catch sight of cars and buses plying a busy avenue dead ahead.
- Thank the Lord for civilization.
- Promise yourself that you will strangle the next person who says “I wanna get back to nature.”
- Better still, promise yourself that you’ll take said person to the next jungle run.
- Notice that, in your reverie, you have lost your team beyond the bend.
- Run to catch up, and find there’s no one to catch up to.
- Drenched, leaf-covered and caked with an inch of mud all over you, walk around the swanky neighborhood and the startled denizens. And don’t give a fuck.
- Keep walking.
- Remind yourself to keep your phone with you, the next run.
- Remind yourself to never sign up for another run.
- Comb every square foot of Holland Field.
- Keep walking in the rain, in the dark, and dream of that warm bed back home.
- Arrive at base camp, 45 minutes after the run ended.
- Chug beer by the dozen.
- Sing hash ditties, and down beer shots by the dozen.
- Gobble up turkey, potatoes and all that warm goodness, and chug more beer by the dozen.
- When the hashers say “See you next time,” respond with “Hell yea!”. Like a fucking boss.
Tags: Beer, Hash Run, Jungle, Singapore
